three geese and a pile of crap

the quiz i took said " You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead)."

In lue of the quiz I took above I think that i need to tell you about a small event that happened to me recently. Frankly, I think it is worth mentioning, and to me is funny. Especially because the fate of how I will die in a disappearance, according to the forboding internet quiz. I thought maybe it is wise to tell you all where I might be?? Or not. Frequently I tend to go for a walk at lunch to a near by park.. 2 miles.. one out, one back... Along a semi-pristine path of pavement. As long as you ignore the road on one side and focus on the pond/ lake on the other you will be content in thinking that you ARE in the wilderness. While stanky fisherman in waders tip their hats to you and you smile causing you to pick up your pace to avoid them actually starting a conversation. Mind you nothing against fisherman, I fish myself. Or at least I thought nothing against them.

On this particular winter day, hat tightly pulled over my ears, scarf wrapped around my neck, fingers eagerly trying to dial up my friends through thick mittens, so as to keep me occupied so afore mentioned fisherman won't find me as bait. But to no avail, none of my friends are free to chat, how rude. Leave me to walk alone. Nose dripping constantly because I forgot my tissues in my car. Bullocks. That is what sleeves are for right? So I reside myself to look at the scenary. I silently walk along at a fastish pace listening to the quiet and the occasional car that drive by, the leaves that scatter in front of me, the drip drip drip of my boggars as they run down and i think, hmmm... saltly aren't they. Weird mental note.. Any who.. As I start my return mile back, I decide to go a slightly different route, up hill... As I am trekign up hill I notice a big pile of dirt and two park employees spreading the pile out.. This pile, that is as tall if not taller then I am, I realize, is not dirt, it is crap. certified manure. guano. shit. poop. And it STINKS. Real bad like. I get a down wind of it as the workers turn and smile at me.. I gasp and muster a smile as I try and hold my breathe and my stomach from wretching right there on the spot. (Now JL i know you want me to smash some in my ear, but i won't do it. i won't.) So as I pass by this monstrosity I begin to try and clear my mind and my nasal passages as i cross again to the water side.

Did I mention all the freakin' geese in this park? Cause people feed them. They don't go south like they are supposed to. They are everywhere and they let you know it. With that being said, I start to notice things on the lake.. A group of malard ducks, I giggle as they dive upside down to get fish thinking they are insane for being in the water. Then I notice a chipmunk on the path, and across the lake I see a blue heron, and then!!! Then I see the most beautiful pair of swans I have ever seen! Full and fluffed out under the brush keeping each other warm. I was so elated by this, that I completely did not realize I was veering off the path. Off the path into a gaggle of geese. Oops. I was alerted to my new found friends by a large noise I can not even begin to discribe. I freeze and realize these fine feathered beasts are headed right for me... Three of them. And my friends they are near as big as me, or seem to be. I think it is like when you are a little kid, when things that scare you are bigger then they actually are. They start to sqwuack and bob their heads and yes, a small charge. I gasp and run. not the most graceful thing, I felt like I was Pheobe running on that episode of Friends.. Two minutes out I dare to look back, and they are back where they were with thier keen eyes still on me. I look around sheepishly and I see the fisherman. Laughing. I straighten myself out and bow to them and wave. Continue my walk of shame back to my car, fuming in embaressment.

So, do I think I will disappear as my fate?? Perhaps. I think if I do, i know some geese who you should finger print.

no hazmat in tunnel. damn spank me. i mean spanky.

At what point in one's life does one come to realize the hazards of an occupation? One that seemingly seems harmless, like snapping some photos innocently, that can all of a sudden go completely haywire. Today I came to the conclusion that it is much better to be pissed off, then pissed on. I shot a "first" birthday party today, quite a milestone yes? Even if your a dog?? This morning I headed off to South Brunswick to my friend's chi's 1st birthday party. Tired from the night before (thanks to those who know who you are), wiping my eyes, and greedily sipping an iced tea on the way there, singing at the top of my lungs, froggy voice in tow. I arrive perked up and ready to roll. Film, camera, dog snacks and toys, shaking my head at the surreal afternoon I am about to have.. I am greeted at my friend's brother's house by the guest of honor chasing my feet and as I round the bend I am approached by a samoyed, named Spanky. Gorgeous bearlike dog, sweet, soft, friendly... a little too friendly.. As I am saying hello to Spanky, I start to feel a wet sensation on my calf, running down quickly saturating my sneaker. Before I put two and two together, I hear "OH SPANKY!! De, he peed on you!!!" "NO!! REALLY??? I thought maybe my leg spontaneously combusted." I regain my composure, Spanky wagging frantically and happy to see his handy work and that he has now claimed me. As he begins sniffing my other leg, I quickly squish with every step into the house, into the bathroom, the smell overwhelming, to try and rectify this mess. But what can you do? So I go back out, laugh it off, and begin while my friend's four year old niece keeps yelling giddily, "SEE!!? HE LIKES YOU!!! while she squirted my leg, drenching it even further, with some supposed miracle liquid that would take away the smell, (Which it didn't. Now I am also realizing that because they already had this"miracle" spray means I am not Spanky's first victim.) For the rest of the afternoon, I try not to step on smaller dogs, bending down with caution as needed so the urinated pant leg does not hit my skin anymore then it has too. Spanky, who now watches me carefully at a short distance, seems to gloat and show it as he pushes any other dog out of the way if he thinks they have spent too much time with me.. (Hmmm.. reminds me of a guy I used to know.) Anyway. Two hours later, pee dried into my pants, reeking smell with every wisp of humid summer air that floats by, still squishy in my sneaker, I leave waving frantically eagerly awaiting to get home and hose myself down.
So I can leave the clothing items outside my apartment, I strip in the hallway of my building quickly hoping that my neighbor won't open his door, fumbling with my keys standing there sans pants thinking.. "Only you De, only you." When I am in, I b-line for the shower, ignoring the odd look from my cat, and scrub myself raw. Aaaaahhhh clean. Currently I am soaking my sneakers and pants in the kitchen sink. Hoping the ammonia like smell disappears soon as well as the memory of look of satisfaction on Spanky's face, cute and fuzzy as he may be and unfortunately still very huggable despite his raw act. All in all, quite an adventure now that I look back on it. My friends brother claims that I should be flattered he took to me so well. Super. I don't know if flattered would be the word. Not sure what the word would really be. All I know, is that I did a good job, regained my composure, ignored the curling noses and weird looks on people's faces trying to divert the stench that came from me, and that somewhere out there tonight is a dog named Spanky who will forever live in my memory as I am sure I will live in his. He did claim me after-all, until the next unsuspecting victim comes along.

welcome

"..please keep in mind that i'm an artist. and i'm sensative about my shit.." ~erykah badu

welcome to my experiment. you must be "this" tall to ride.

i have decided to start and put more of my images, sketches and ramblings, dream logs out there to get feedback on and see what the world thinks. please stand by.... brillance only comes only after sleep. idiocy comes before it.

thanks for visiting... return soon... or else.....